Alone - The Good and The Bad .

its very sad to feel like completely alone. crazy that i have so many people that would love to be around me but i just want to be around that one special person so they get ignored. i know that is very mean of me to do but i really can not help it. i just don't want to waste my time hanging out with someone i know isn't going to last a very long time, someone who will leave or someone i really sincerely don't want to be around. that would be even meaner of me. i have to be honest with myself and everybody else. i only want to be with the ones i love and that i know love me, everyone else are just simply not that important in my life. i mean I'm not the only one who thinks that. they think the same about me. they only call me when they need something, have nothing else to do or cant sleep and know that i stay up very late. if that's the only time you feel the need to talk to me then obviously i am not that important in your life either. I'm sick and tired of feeling like that so i refuse to even humor or entertain the idea of having occasional friends. sometimes i want more friends but they are so hard to find now that i just don't even bother. and besides, i know a good friend when i see one so if it is meant to be then it will most definitely be that. and right about now being alone in the world is just fine with me. just keeping it all to myself, and my blog, gives me the time off from the drama and constant effort i have to put forward to make everyone that is important in my life feel important. i just lost my best friend, who is a guy, because he didn't feel appreciated, loved and cared about by me and if that's not a sign that i need to take a break and recollect myself then i don't know what it. I'm emotionally and mentally tired, at best. and this time to myself can either make or break friendships and relationships that i proceed with but if they don't understand that then i don't need them in my life anyway.