Friends - Are they really ??

I have always thought that i had wonderful friends. i have never kept around a crappy friend or person for that matter. But even though people make mistakes doesn't mean they are a horrible person. I understand that people make mistakes and I try very hard to try to get over them and to never dwell on them. I don't judge. I do, however, see how long the mistake effects me and if i get over it in a day or two then i say "people make mistakes" and move on with my life and ultimately keep them in it. But I think when people don't realize they have even made a mistake is what leads to quick termination. When people openly don't respect me or my feelings toward something it quickly begins to destroy any friendship or relationship we had or have. i just cant tolerate it.

Recently a friend, a very best friend, told a secret about me and my relationship with a guy. I was crushed and still am. I told her previously not to say anything to anybody about anything but obviously what i say and how i feel and the promise that she made means nothing.

I was having a great week. I saw the love of my life two days in a row, which has never happened, and i was above my natural high. But as the day comes to an end i get a very disturbing text about how my best friend squealed on me and now my high is gone.

I just believe that this is my life to live and either you deal with the decisions that i make with a closed mouth and a smile or you leave me alone all together. I am not a little girl and I never have been. I have been through more than other people can bear so I promise i know what I'm doing. I was happy with the decisions i made and i took responsibility for them and even though someone else didn't doesn't mean you have to say anything. I live and have always lived a complicated life. I have always done things that people don't understand and have always tolerated pain for others but that's who i am and i see no change coming.

The excuse of trying to help me and how i shouldn't have to deal with this means nothing to me because i read what she said and it was completely unnecessary and meant to hurt someone. I was exposed by the person I thought would never tell a soul. I was wrong again.

And yes i know that you were there for me and i for you but this is taking "sticking up" to another level. Never have i ever told even one of your secrets to another person. never have i embarrassed you the way you hurt me today. I could have potentially lost the love of my life and all you say is "so". that's not a friend. I kept things the way they were because that's the way they worked and because they didn't work for you then you felt the need to open your mouth to someone other than me? that's not a friend. a friend sticks by you no matter what idiot decisions you make. a friend love you through everything. a friend is not what you are.

my life is my life and I'm the one who has to live it. you can either be a part of it or leave. its your choice.