I was sitting here thinking about that guy again. thinking about how all of the songs I love remind me of a specific moment that we spent together, or apart. how i have forever attached myself to the music, and him. am i crazy ?
I always thought i was. ever since i met him he has always said i was "bi-polar", but i don't really believe that. I'm a girl so i mean i am entitled to my mood swings every once in a while, but i don't have an illness. its not that bad. I think its the love that made me crazy. it made me hunger for something I always wanted but I never sought out to find it, and when i did, i just wanted it that much more.
Ever since I was a little girl i dreamed of how someone would come and save me, much like fairy tales about sleepy beauty and so on. i would pray to God every night that one day someone would come along and make everything alright. make me forget all my nightmares and always make me happy, no matter the weather. I was in need of saving at the time. constantly watching my every move and planning my everyday in my own home killed me a little bit each and everyday. I never had a true childhood. never had a worry free day. everything was stressed, everything was wrong. i grew up faster than anybody should have to.
but i found love in him, love in music and love in writing. i found my escape in these three things. so as i aged, i combined the three. i wrote and sang about the love we shared. about the time we spent 'together'. i dedicated many songs to him. sang sweet melody's in his ear on those sleepless nights. i wrote him many letters on how much of it all meant to me. i gave all my love to him. everything.
but now all i have is the music, the old letters and the memories. all i have is what used to be. i wander away from reality with these things and dream him. i can still smell his breath and feel his hand on my cheek. still feel his body in my bed in the midst of night. i still cry tears of happiness and pain listening to the songs we sang to each other. still laugh out loud when i think of his voice and those not-so-funny jokes. still smile when i think of how strong the words he spoke and his expectations made me. and at special times i can feel his love floating in the air and it warms my heart and i cry a single tear for the lost of the love of my life. but as i slip back into reality, i pick myself up and go on with my day.
I always thought i was. ever since i met him he has always said i was "bi-polar", but i don't really believe that. I'm a girl so i mean i am entitled to my mood swings every once in a while, but i don't have an illness. its not that bad. I think its the love that made me crazy. it made me hunger for something I always wanted but I never sought out to find it, and when i did, i just wanted it that much more.
Ever since I was a little girl i dreamed of how someone would come and save me, much like fairy tales about sleepy beauty and so on. i would pray to God every night that one day someone would come along and make everything alright. make me forget all my nightmares and always make me happy, no matter the weather. I was in need of saving at the time. constantly watching my every move and planning my everyday in my own home killed me a little bit each and everyday. I never had a true childhood. never had a worry free day. everything was stressed, everything was wrong. i grew up faster than anybody should have to.
but i found love in him, love in music and love in writing. i found my escape in these three things. so as i aged, i combined the three. i wrote and sang about the love we shared. about the time we spent 'together'. i dedicated many songs to him. sang sweet melody's in his ear on those sleepless nights. i wrote him many letters on how much of it all meant to me. i gave all my love to him. everything.
but now all i have is the music, the old letters and the memories. all i have is what used to be. i wander away from reality with these things and dream him. i can still smell his breath and feel his hand on my cheek. still feel his body in my bed in the midst of night. i still cry tears of happiness and pain listening to the songs we sang to each other. still laugh out loud when i think of his voice and those not-so-funny jokes. still smile when i think of how strong the words he spoke and his expectations made me. and at special times i can feel his love floating in the air and it warms my heart and i cry a single tear for the lost of the love of my life. but as i slip back into reality, i pick myself up and go on with my day.
"tis better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all"...♥
I think maybe we are living in a sumwhat parallel universe. lol
ReplyDeletethat pic is so cool!
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