Well Deserved - Never Received

that line "everybody deserve/needs somebody" just does not apply to me.

many times people have told me that they love me. that they care a great deal about me. well, actions speak louder than words my dear. i just don't understand how someone can claim their unconditional love for me but run off and tell the next girl the same thing. or go off and have this relationship going. but you love me right? right.

at a very young age i learned that you don't pay much attention to what people say because most of the time its what they think they have to say and/or what they think you want them to say. most people just always know the right thing to say but there is no sincerity there. i have come across so many liars and I'm still not of age to vote. its a crying shame, literally. from fathers, stepfathers, mothers, boyfriends, family, teachers, principals, friends, and the occasional guy trying to pick me up off the street or computer. the truth isn't anything like the insincere and completely false words pouring out of their mouths.

and I'm not one of those people who has been hurt and scared so bad that i think that everyone is a liar. i am not the one to prejudge. i give nearly everyone a chance to prove themselves, which wouldn't have to happen if they wouldn't start off with giving me false hope and empty promises. but time after time and chance after chance i am always playing the role of the fool at the end. crying my eyes out over how stupid i feel and how hurt i actually am. but hey, that's just how it goes and that's how it has always been.

but my question is, when am i really going to get what i deserve because i know damn well i don't deserve the everyday pain of lies and deceit and the sleepless tear-filled nights. if everyone deserves happiness then where the hell is mine at? i try so hard to keep it together but sometimes i feel like why should i be the only one trying, and crying for that matter. although i don't think sharing pain, in anyway, is fun but come on I'm not the only one in these 'relationships'. sometimes i am so happy with everything but then its like someone just stumps on it until I'm just miserable again.

i believe with the unbearable pain and heartache i have went through i deserve everything that my dreams hold, but i seem to never receive what i know i deserve. although i am happy with myself i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. you would think God would finally give me my chance. but hey, that's just how it goes.